When to announce your pregnancy
Can the NRI bride hold this secret?
So you are going to be a mom!! The biggest news ever!!!! How are you going to share it? Are you going to hang a banner just outside your window so that everybody reads it, or you are going to spill the beans slowly and hold on to the secret for a while? Whatever you do, let me tell you right away that you are signing up for the most amazing and beautiful part of your life. The excitement starts right from the point when you start to announce your pregnancy, telling people over the phone, in person, or sending hint-cards and stuff.. but did you ever think that you can even have a plan for this? Ya sure ‘taking life as it comes’ and ‘why plan everything, life is not a project’ and all that emotion, I duly respect all that but just think ..why not take control when you can..
Why should you, an NRI Bride, ‘plan’ at the first place to announce your pregnancy?
Well, because you are far from home, you somehow have an edge due to this reduced proximity from family, a comprehensive control over your situation. Psst… When you find out, your in-laws won’t find out automatically because you are not in the same house, living with them! Now when you come out with two pink lines on that pregnancy test kit your mother in law is not standing outside the bathroom to see the results.This is actually applicable to anyone who is living away from family but being in another country is the edge that I was initially talking about. Being away also means you can choose when to announce your pregnancy, whom to announce your pregnancy to and whether to announce at all! So why not bring this advantage to some use?
Point is, can you hold a secret?
Of course, let me give a disclaimer right at the start that it’s really a personal decision when to tell whom to tell and so, I am only sharing my opinion, but I have seen this model work the best, especially for those of us living so far from home.
When should I announce my pregnancy to parents?
So IMO, when you have the first scan in your hand and you have heard and/or seen that little heartbeat. When the doc says it’s clear that you are having a baby.. this is the time to tell your parents not before that. At least save the news from other relatives at this point if you can’t live with NOT telling parents right away. If you tell them before that, unnecessary advice will follow and they will be following your baby twitter page even before its fully ready to be followed. So how long should I wait before I announce my pregnancy to my parents? The answer is around 8 weeks.
Now actually the first 4 weeks you don’t even know that you are pregnant, then you take the test Oh god! I missed the date, its been one week, could I be pregnant? I should take the test tomorrow morning. So you only have to keep this secret for 3 or 4 weeks. These 3 or 4 weeks will give you a lot of time. Time to think about how you are taking this pregnancy, how you are feeling about it, both of you get time to register it in your system. You are anyway gulping the news still and can use the peace of mind for this while. You need to buy time especially if this pregnancy was not a planned one.
Benefits of telling parents after 8 weeks :
– Gives you time to prepare yourself for the BIG life change coming your way
– Gives you time to think if you are mentally and emotionally prepared for taking this new responsibility
– Keeps you at bay from fully loaded advice sheets way before you need it
– Hormones level are high at this point you don’t want anything anyone says to get you down
– Gives you time to think if you really want to continue at all (for those it is still a question)
– You will not have to take awkward condolence calls in event of a loss
So should I tell no one at all, in the first 8 weeks?
Well if this is your first time, and you are abroad without any help from home, find a couple around you who have had a baby lately, and if you can, tell them. This couple will give you the right advice and reference points that you need and can use. When I was pregnant I told a friend who lived in my state and had had a baby recently, she guided me with much-needed information. She gave me reviews about the doctors in the hospital that I was going to, gave me tips around the health insurance questions that I had in my mind, she explained to me about the first ultrasound and what to expect here in Switzerland with my first visit. These things no one will tell you, specially family in India cannot guide you clearly about your local facilities and arrangement abroad, your situation is different. My friend also told me about free places to use in our local market in case of a ‘Pee emergency’ (when you are pregnant, you know what I am talking about)
When to announce your pregnancy at work?
Then answer is not before 12 weeks, once you have crossed 12 weeks your doctor will also confirm you that you have crossed the danger/risk zone when the risk of having a miscarriage reduces to quite an extent because after 3 months the full anatomy of baby is in place and its sure that you are going to have a baby! This is good time to tell your colleagues with chocolates or wine or something nice. Of course, you have to disclose earlier if the first trimester is very hard on you and you cannot make it to work because of a bad morning-sickness spell. You should check out the company maternity benefits policy and take note of how much time-off you will get from the company when you deliver the baby, do your homework.
In which cases to announce pregnancy late would be a good thing:
– You have a known risk pregnancy
– You have a history of miscarriages
– You want to wait for the result of the genetic test, to be sure
– You want to sidestep any advice or criticism in the early days
– You think your manager might take important tasks off your plate
When to announce your friends and rest of the world?
After 12 weeks (or the 3 months mark) you can actually tell whomever you want to, you can shout from the rooftops if you are the kind or post it on Facebook. Another way
is to just tell close friends and let the others come to know only by vision (when they see your grown belly bump). Some people host a small party at home to make the announcement, there are ways to do it. But it’s altogether a different experience when someone sees you after a long time and are surprised to see you preggers, the look on their face and that fresh-off-the-oven reaction is a nice thing to have as well. I have enjoyed this look on some people’s face, it’s absolutely enjoyable.
How have you announced your pregnancy ? Is there an experience you can share? Got another point to add?.. Feel free to pen it down, your opinion matters! I am happy to receive comments about the article.