NRI guy who deserted wife after honeymoon
Our guest Sachin asked this question and [email protected] team has answered.. read on..
Question : A quick engagement, followed by a massive wedding, a huge dowry and a honeymoon, after which the NRI husband flies out of India while the wife waits for her visa. I read somewhere that there are over 20,000 brides in India that have not seen their husbands after their honeymoon. Is this really as big an issue as it sounds?
Answer: Hello Sachin, Thank you for your question. Indeed this is an issue, no denying this fact that lives of many brides are spoiled in a process like that. This is the dark side and one white truth that we can’t blink away from.
Before I say any more, let me have your agreement on the fact that these men who do this to the brides they are taking their wedding vows with, ARE JUST SICK! As sick as rapists, or even more…
But to be honest, the answer is partly in your question if we read carefully. “A quick engagement”, “Massive wedding” and “Dowry”. Don’t you think that this is already a formula for disaster when the groom in question is unknown. I am assuming this guy is ‘unknown’ because if he was a known person or from a known family then there would be ways to track him down. He would be answerable in the circle and so on. People instantaneously say yes to a good prospect from abroad without much thinking and rush up the things just in case this good match might slip away. Is this attitude not an issue? Behaving like this, are we not giving these guys the guts to do this?
Now in the Indian matrimonial world, full of Internet matrimonial sites my point earlier can stand subject to argument, this guy is then expected to be an ‘unknown’ but then if we are choosing a groom from an Internet site strong background check and frequent meetings with the groom and his family are undismissible and can give us the much-needed hint about the guy in question. Are we really doing this? Or do we just get blinded with the outer shine and the idea that having our daughter married abroad is like a Gold star on our own life progress chart? Ignoring obvious signs, tolerating undue demands, taking things for granted and not asking for ‘information that matters’ are the things that give these guys the idea that we are not that careful with the life of our daughter and they can mess around with it.
A proper risk projection needs to be done in our mind before we conclude any such proposal, we must not forget to look at the NRI proposals with a slight doubtful eye, we have to think once ‘what if’.
There is no harm in asking for a copy of work contract, proof of residence, copy of passport and so on. There is no harm in asking for references… it’s not a job won’t it look bad if we asked all this? Wouldn’t it give a poor impression? What would the groom’s parents think? We must shun these inhibitions and ask for information. Don’t you agree marriage is in fact a job for life! When we take job interviews so seriously, why are we showing leniency and loose attitude towards this?
What happens? How can we be fooled by these sorts? Why these men get away? How can they dare to leave their fully wedded wife and never look back? Why don’t we include the right consulates when things go wrong? These are all questions and topics worth a thousand words.
This is undeniably an issue and needs to be addressed.
NRI bride is actually just another bride most similar to any other Indian bride, so what can happen to a bride marrying an NRI guy can also happen to any other woman. This case should be handled exactly as we would handle any other case when the is guy located in India. In fact even stricter steps can be taken against an NRI person who behaves like this.
The NRI bride is different only due to this whole wide distance between homeland and new home and it brings along a different set of challenges, at the same time the bride in India is facing her own challenges, too. So, everyone is fighting their own battle and my blog is about these challenges and how to make the best of our situation. It’s not only for the women who married an NRI man but also for the wives of expats who are living here, they are here on projects or long term work assignments.
Having said that, I am not saying I don’t stand by this cause, this is actually the elephant in the room I was trying to avoid so that I can focus on the constructive side of the coin and add value to the lives of the NRI brides who are already abroad. However, I did have a post in mind around this topic and after I have answered you, I will surely start working on it. I wanted it to be more than just a post that’s why I was taking my time.
Before I close, I have to say undeniably it is really unfortunate for a marriage to have a start like this. It’s unfortunate that brides end up getting married to men who have no idea what marriage is and what its sanctity is, it’s unfortunate that these men exist and that some men don’t understand the concept of an arranged marriage and misuse it, trying to take advantage of their location or position. This kind of fish is making the whole pond look dirty.