Hearsay, why brides shouldn’t marry NRI grooms
So, you have found a very good match, he’s most of the things that you were looking for, he is a lovely person that you think you can spend your life with. BUTTTTTTT…he’s an NRI, he lives in a far off land that you have slight or no idea about. Hmmmm.. now what should you do. Well! For starts if he’s the right man and you have fully made sure with your background check and meetings that he is indeed the right man, the location should really not matter. Are you still thinking? Keep reading to get face to face with the hearsay about NRI grooms.
Once upon a time I also had second thoughts about taking that flight, but then my grandmother said again her favorite saying “Apne bande naal tan darkhtaan wich vi dil lag janda hai”, this always makes me laugh, I think it’s more the way she says it, anyway that means a woman can stay happily with her husband also in the wilds, she always gives me the reference of goddess Sita, a princess, a queen who lived happily in a forest for 14 years with her husband. So really, if one can live with the one that’s’ loved, even with no one else around, then why have inhibitions?
If you are a brave heart, open to changes, ready to explore and learn, slightly adaptive and /or you prepare yourself properly, there is absolutely no reason why you shouldn’t marry one of the NRI grooms because what bad an NRI can do to you can also be done by someone in your own homeland. Some of the most common fears that brides have about the NRI guys are covered below.
Fear No. 1: He could be an alcoholic, a drug addict, chain smoker, jobless etc.
Fear No. 2: He could take you abroad and misbehave with you, treat you bad, beat you up
So, the reasons along the fear 1 & 2, are more or less personality related, during the process of an arranged marriage to find out about the personality of a person is quite tricky anyway but this is definitely not location related. You must talk openly about these things when you meet that potential candidate. Be smart, not hazy eyed about the idea of living abroad ‘look for the signs’, how he reacts if you are late, or how he treats the waiter, how he treats kids. Listen. Listen. Listen. Ask him probing, open ended questions to get you the right answers, like what is your idea of fun, tell me about the most embarrassing/most exciting day of your life ‘not work related’ else he will tell you a story of the day he got an award from a his company for having written the code for best process optimizing …bladiblah…involve elders, they have a much keen eye to size up people, listen to what they think about him, and give it a good thought, if you don’t agree with their opinion use straight forward approach to clarify. And girls consider joining the self-defense class now, its handy anyway.
Fear No. 3 :He could have had relationships
Fear No. 4 :He’s done it all lap dances, paid sex, hookers and now he wants to marry you for settling down
Fear No. 5 :He wants to marry you for you will cook for him, clean and wash his clothes etc basically wants a slave
Reasons along the fears 3,4,5 are more or less
related to your acceptance, ask yourself how much can you accept, be it his past or the number of home chores you are signing up for, it all depends on your level of acceptance. If you are the kind who gets her eyes burning even to think how he would have felt during a lap dance or how he used to pull his girlfriend in his arms and go crazy thinking what used to happen after that, well my friend sooner you make peace with these things the better, because more often than not your imagination is wilder than the actual hotness of the scene at that time, if ever there was! Also because everyone has a past and you had your share of romance as well, may be small may be big, but everyone has felt that high for someone other than the final life partner. Imagine if you were put in land like that and you had options, its highly possible that you would explore them too. Having explored a couple of options doesn’t make these men all ‘unsuitable for marriage now’.
Fear No. 6 :He‘s marrying you only because his parents wouldn’t accept a foreigner in the family
Fear No. 7 :He’s marrying you only because he cannot manage his life with an American/ European woman
Fears 6 and 7 are family compatibility points, I don’t see anything wrong with taking the family acceptance into account (better now than later) and nothing wrong in wanting a manageable life, with a life partner who understands! Don’t forget ladies he’s an Indian himself. How its said.. birds of a feather flock together. Marrying someone with a thought that she/he is the best suitable person to be added to my family is really a very mature approach. Himanshu my school friend, met a girl in a friend’s party, she was a DPS school pass out, went to Miranda house for bachelors, very smart and self-assured girl he was toppled over with her good looks and fabulous dressing style. She wore the sexiest of short skirts and looked totally hot in them, after a few dates he proposed to her and they are married now, living separately, resulting from huge arguments in the family, for his family found her ways too outrageous for their acceptable standards and she couldn’t breathe in such a conservative atmosphere. During my own groom search we came across a Rajasthani family, the boy was nice, very intelligent an IIM pass out, fabulous job and everything, but his family was quite conservative, they wanted that his bride should have her head covered all the time, in front of in-laws, and the bride cannot sit in the same level as his father, literally like distance from the floor kind of level, the proposal was dropped.
Fear No. 8 :There would be no family support available at hand when things go wrong.
Fear 8, True that! Well no denying the fact that you will not have that immediate support from the family. This can be a strength too, for he also has no such immediate support from the family either. You can grow and learn to solve matters on your own. Sometimes its better when the families are not around to take part in the small domestic arguments between a husband and wife, sometimes girls fall back on the support system so fast that no recovery time is given to the natural patch-up process, let me give you an example, Sonika a friend’s sister was married into a very well off family and her parents were even richer than her in-laws. A fully comfortable house with all the possible luxuries, but one day Sonika and her husband had a disagreement over something, the argument grew bigger and she packed her bags and went to her father’s house, her father was a man with a big ego and loved her daughter dearly, matters went so out of hands that parents from both sides got involved in arguments and exchanged heated comments, then it was no longer a matter of the couple but pride and prejudice of the whole family, it all ended near a divorce, after 5 years, with many sour hearts.
Having said that, we have seen that the ball is still in the court of the NRI grooms, and looks like you can go ahead with this proposal, however the importance of a background check cannot be overemphasized and you can’t just marry an NRI without giving it a thought let’s check out a list that we should keep in mind, the things to think before saying yes. Let’s just jot down quickly some things that make your life a bit challenging with these NRI grooms, in my next post What are to-be-NRI brides signing up for?